Good job hunting

I'm in the middle of the search for my next job. For a newly minted PhD, you might expect this process would be easy. I was offered most of the jobs that I applied for during previous search processes. I was accepted to every graduate school I applied to, for both my master's and doctoral degrees. But here I am, a finalist thrice passed over for jobs of interest. Jobs for which I was well-qualified.

I'm not sure what part is hardest. Is it the rejection? The self-doubt? The empty days? A combination of all? I get angry because I cannot understand what I do wrong in these searches, and then I spend the long hours at home stewing about being a failure.

I have chosen to work in a field that supports college students, values learning, and is notoriously considered "soft." But I'm damn hard on myself. And, I feel harshly judged by others too. My interviewers must scrutinize my every word, my attire, my body language, and my credentials. I know I have much to offer students and an institution. But something must be getting lost in translation.

Usually I can find a silver lining, and I make this into a life lesson. Not so for today's post. Right now, I'd like to run far away, abandon all pursuits within my profession, and hide out as a bookseller or something similar. Clearly I have mistakenly landed here. I want out.