In comparison

“Finally I am coming to the conclusion 

that my highest ambition is to be what I already I am.”

-Thomas Merton

Truly, I believe social media fastens people together in meaningful ways. Nearly a decade has passed since the inception of Facebook (and even more time has elapsed since its predecessors Friendster and MySpace collected masses of people), and I struggle to recollect or re-imagine life without the tangled 'net.

I have unearthed old colleagues, classmates, crushes, coaches, choir friends, cousins... I have a web of gossamer relationship strands weaving throughout LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest... I am a silent bystander for countless successes, weddings, births, promotions, defenses, house hunts, remodels, graduations, tournaments, acceptance letters... I feel sadness over break-ups, disappointments, broken homes, suffering, sickness, disasters, losses, dreams dashed... I grow familiar with people's passions, interests, aspirations, desires, pet peeves, close relationships, personal histories... These avenues converge in my news feeds as publications, poems, paintings... cultivated for my consumption. I'm connected.

Yet, I wonder - have I lost my connection to self? As others offer their stories, my own are drowned by the chorus of life's daily occurrences. And, I live (and post) in comparison to my networks.

I wed the man of my dreams in a beautiful setting, surrounded by love.

I've experienced heartache and lost relationships and been hurt.

I don't have a baby and don't know that I want one.

I have nephews who melt my heart.

I never attended an Ivy league school.

I have worked hard to earn advanced degrees.

I'm neither an accomplished athlete nor a consistently dedicated amateur.

I have walked and run for causes I value.

I'm not employed in the ways I once envisioned.

I have a blossoming, prestigious, and (mostly) fulfilling career.

I don't write and share my work frequently.

I have published several pieces about my research efforts.

I don't live amidst mountains or along a seashore.

I am an urban dweller, existing within a majestic capital city.

I have yet to buy a house or condo.

I am not tied to a particular place or region or home by virtue of property.

I've not traveled afar or extensively.

I have hiked and explored myriad places.

I am - and I am not - all kinds of things...

Free from judgment, I can accept that my life is what it is. Without goodness or badness, I just am.

In comparison to others, though, I find myself flawed. The social connectedness has to be tempered for me. I am not defined by the envy or pride I feel perusing online. The experiences of others - though I am virtually engaged with them - are not my own. Nor should they be. Sometimes, I find I must disengage and recalibrate... so I can be reminded that others' happinesses, successes, and experiences are to be celebrated and not to be a measuring stick for my own value or worth.

I am more than the sum of a profile. Who I am is enough.