Beginnings

"Everyone is handed adversity in life. No one's journey is easy. It's how they handle it that makes people unique." 
- Kevin Conroy

Lovely new scarf from my dear friend, Becky.
It's like a warm hug across the miles!

Just... wow. I've been floored by the responses from friends, family, students, and colleagues - new and old, near and far - with whom I've shared my breast cancer diagnosis. As I let the words of care, compassion, and ass-kicking wash over me, I could not feel more humbled and grateful. Thank you for believing in me, for walking with me, for offering to carry me as needed, and for sharing your stories with me.

You all are like vitamins for my psyche right now, fruits and veggies for my soul. I'm fed by the positivity, encouragement, hope, humor, faith, and love. You are fortifying me for the fight ahead. I appreciate you for sharing your strength with me.

I feel very much that - although there is NEVER a good time to find cancer in your body - I do have what it takes to go to battle with breast cancer. Sean and I are in a wonderful, loving marriage. We bought our first home in August, and we live on a lovely, peaceful Colorado lake (I know, right?!). We have room for guests (e.g., caregivers), live close to high quality medical facilities, can maintain an active lifestyle, and are able to feed ourselves nutritious and sustaining foods. Our family members and friends are many, and their love is boundless. Both of our workplaces are being amazingly flexible and supportive in this situation. Our parents are retired; they are ready, able, and willing to travel to be with us. With so many gifts, I'm anxious to say, "Cancer, prepare to be evicted!"

From the get-go, I knew I would learn a lot through this. And... one very apparent, early lesson is that breast cancer does not care about your schedule. I mean, it really doesn't attend to timing at all. For example, I wish I could have seen my CAS community before starting treatment. But I had to miss our annual gathering that is going on right now (they did record the awesome "mannequin" video included here for me!). And, I canceled quality time with dear friends I'd intended to see as well during the trip. Gone too are plans for another DC-based meeting in December, where I was hoping to catch the holiday lights and trees in our beautiful capital city.

So, it begins - ready or not. In the past week I rushed to get a dental cleaning, blood drawn, and a flu shot. We are trying to minimize any possible viral or bacterial issues while my immune system is weakened. Today is the first appointment with my surgeon. He shouldn't have much to do until after chemotherapy ends in early April, but it'll be good to put a face to the name and credentials.

Then, on to getting more lab work done and installing the port for chemo. I'll be a bionic woman soon... I am kicking myself a tiny bit for the "lifelong learner" philosophy to which I subscribe. I could have happily lived without chemo ed, and yet that's also on this week's docket.

All this groundwork leads to me entering the arena Wednesday morning. I'm being treated at the UC Health Cancer Care center in Fort Collins, a state-of-the-art facility (https://www.uchealth.org/Pages/Services/Cancer-Care/Cancer-Care-NoCo.aspx). Bright and early on hump day, I get hooked up for my first fluid infusion. This chemo cocktail will be adriamycin and cytoxan, and I hear the duo is gonna knock me around some. I'm not as worried about this first treatment as I am about the second, which happens two weeks later. I'm steeling myself for that blow to my head... as in, I will lose my hair with chemo #2. Oh, friends, don't worry - we will brace ourselves for that together in a future post! Fortunately, between these appointments, I plan to hit up Chicagoland for Thanksgiving with family so I should be recharged with their abiding love.

I think the reality of being a cancer patient will further solidify for me this week. I've played many roles over the years - big sister, singer, honor student, cheerleader, performer, RA, journalist, hall director, graduate student, advisor, teacher. And, I've explored my multidimensional identities around race, class, gender, sexual orientation, faith, abilities, and more. Most recently, as the CAS executive director, I've frequently been feeling that "I am my position." Fighting breast cancer is shattering that mentality, needed or not.

Beginnings are hard sometimes, even when we are well prepared for the journey. For now, I force myself to breathe deeply, get ready for what lies ahead, and look up.

Super moon rising over Rocky Mountain National Park (Nov. 13, 2016)